“I tried therapy before for a couple months, maybe a few years ago. It was ok…”

I’ve heard that sentence—or a variation of that sentence—from most of my clients at some point during their initial therapy session.

After exploring what was good/bad/indifferent about their previous therapy experience, it usually comes down to one factor: how connected they felt to the therapist. If they felt disconnected from their previous therapist, or if they felt that there was too much space between them, they found that the therapy was ineffective and frustrating—a waste of time and hard-earned money, leaving them feeling more depleted and stressed out than when they started. If their previous therapy experience was “just ok,” they might describe their previous therapist as “fine,” or “just not someone I felt could relate to me.”

Good therapy is life-changing. It has the capacity push you to grow, develop, and deepen.

Good therapy allows you to explore your relationships and life patterns, and help you re-write your own narrative. Good therapy is not just ok, it is shake-you-up, sift-you-out, relationship-building, self-esteem-boosting, heart-stirring extraordinary….If…you have a strong relationship with your therapist.

Therapy is only as good as your connection with your therapist. A good connection, one that feels alive, in-the-moment, and, most of all, safe, is the most important part of therapy. Your healing is accomplished within this relationship; you can only go as far as your therapeutic relationship will allow, and if the “click” just isn’t there…the things you’re wanting from therapy won’t click into place either.

In my practice, my primary focus is on building a strong therapeutic alliance,

one based on mutual respect, trust, and unconditional nonjudgment. I urge my clients to tell me when I offer an interpretation that doesn’t seem right, or when they think I’m heading off-base, and I embolden them to look at themselves from all sides. I want my clients to tell me if they’re feeling detached, or bored, or if I’m pushing them too hard. I encourage them to talk about our relationship right now, in the moment. Yes, it can be awkward. Yes, it is totally difficult.

But-THIS is where therapy magic happens. By investigating our relationship, clients are able to look at other relationships—past and present—and see what’s really happening. My clients’ feelings (and my feelings!) are used in the session to push our relationship further, opening up the possibility for deeper self-knowledge, deeper connections with other people, and deeper understanding. This is what takes “just ok” therapy to “incredible” therapy.

Ready to get started? I’d love to hear from you. Drop me a note: suzanne@suzannegarrison.com

Illustrations by Jon Ehinger